Round 6

I had a follow up appointment with my doctor this month and he seems very confident that I will be able to get pregnant. I just wish his confidence would rub off on me a little more. I did not ovulate yet again this last month. This month the doctor has upped the clomid once again and now I will be doing 150mg. He also told me that he doesn't really like to go over 150mg (Which also made my confidence lower a bit more since that is what I am at and nothing has happened) he said in some cases he will go up to 200mg but you have a much higher risk of side effects the higher the mg you get up. During this follow up appointment he said that even if the clomid doesn't work we still have some other options we could try. The only one I can really remember him talking about is drilling holes in my ovaries. Has anyone heard of this because to me this is quite scary to hear. I know he said quite a few other ones before this but once someone tells you they can drill holes in your body every other word you heard kind of just gets forgotten. I also have very irregular cycles and because I haven't started a new cycle on my own I have to take a medication called progesterone to start the process. I also had to do this the month before and let me tell you this, the side effects of this one are the worst and I cringe at night when I have to take it. Luckily this month the doctor prescribe a 7 day dose instead of a 10 day like last month. I wanted to hug him when he told me I get to take it three less days. Please keep our family in your prayers and hope for ovulation! Hopefully we can bring a little miracle into this world sometime soon.

Merry Christmas!

This post is a little late but I hope that you all had as good as a Christmas as we did. The kids had a blast this year and got spoiled rotten.  Between bikes, scooters, skate boards, air hockey table and a trampoline I have no where to put all the stuff. Although the boys had all of this and more they still decided that they wanted to play with my new nook. How is it that kids these days know exactly how to work all the electronics even before I do? It makes me feel so old that my almost 3 year old and my 4 year old can figure this stuff out before I can. We did get a new computer from my very awesome father-in-law so I can now share a few of our pictures with you.
    A few weeks before Christmas and before all of us got sick we took the boys to Tuacahn for there Christmas in the canyon like we do every year. This year we showed up a little late so we didn't get to see the show but the boys sure did have fun anyways. Jayden got to ride a camel with his cousin. We got to see Santa and all of the lights and also went on a family carriage ride. The boys love doing this and we hope to make it a tradition every year that they look forward to. here are a few pictures.

                                                                       camel rides

                                                               Yearly pic in front of the tree

                                                                   carriage ride

                                                           santa jaxon didn't know what to think

                                                          santa brought jayden a skateboard

                                                   jax just wanted the candy in his stocking

                                        Then there is this goofball with all of his excitement

                                                                   Christmas day

Round 5

December I officially finished round 5 of my 100mg of clomid and we have been patiently testing and waiting to see if I will ovulate. We are now in the 1st week of January and I still have yet to see those 2 dark blue lines on a stick. Why can't ovulation tests be as simple as preg tests, one line means not preg and 2 means yes? If you have never used an ovulation test then let me explain the difference. On these tests there are always 2 lines, one dark line and a lighter line means that you are not ovulating and 2 dark lines mean you are. Well let me tell you the lines are so small that it is hard to see the difference (this may be because I have yet to see 2 dark lines though) I finally got sick of trying to play the guessing game and bought the digital tests now where if you are ovulating it shows a smiley face and if not it is just a circle, but these tests cost you more money which sucks. Sorry that was a little off the subject but I just don't know why they can't make them a little more "user friendly" or digital ones cheaper. Anyways back to it...being as I am almost all the way thru this cycle I do not think I will ovulate this month either, but I will keep my fingers crossed and keep testing. I have a doctors apt the middle of this month and I am hoping we can figure ANYTHING out that may be causing me not to ovulate or why the clomid isn't doing the job. Are there any ladies out there in the blogging world that has gone through this same stuff? I would love to hear from you if you have.

Fertility update

   I just recently talked to my doctor and he has decided that he wants to up my dosage of clomid for 50mg to 100mg since I did not ovulate at all the last cycle. I am really excited to get eveything moving but not so excited about the side effects of the medicine that I have been taking. I have had mood swings which the only thing that helps with them is keeping busy and our very cute little babies. I have also experienced weight gain like crazy which it my very least favorite side effect. I though you were suppose to gain weight while you are preg not before grrr. I also get sick so I had to start taking the clomid at night so I would sleep through the headaches and the cramping. I know that all this is completely worth it in the end but please cross your fingers we get pregnant this month :)

Kids update

   Jaxon is now completely potty trained he can even wear his big boy undies to bed at night and wake up dry. He is completely different than jayden who announces when he needs to use the rest room. This cute little guy will quietly take himself to the bathroom like a little gentlemen. He still loves to follow his brother around and wants to do whatever he is doing. He is such a tough little kid he never crys. He could fall down and scrap his knees and get back up and start running around like nothing happened. His new favorite word is goofball. He puts it at the end of every sentence but pronouces it boofball. He is obsessed with anything fruit and would rather eat it than an actual meal.
   Jayden is a ball full of peronality. He is by no means at all shy anymore. We had to take Jax to the doctor the other day and after I got done talking to the doctor, the doctor asks if I have any questions. Before anyone could say anything Jayden blurts out what is your full name? We couldn't help but laugh. These days he likes to ride his bike all day long. Which he is not happy that he no longer gets to do this as much because the tempatures these days being so cold and the rain. He is so smart and know how to use it to his advantage for example. We will be in the car and ask him to do something, he will say to use I will do it when we get home, most days by the time we get home we forget what we asked. Well I have come to realize he knows this and does it on purpose...the little sneaky smart little guy.
   We took the boys to see santa this week. Jayden hops up on his lap and just starts talking up a storm. He tell him that he and his brother both want a skate board while this is going on Jax is sitting on his lap also just starring (but at least there were no tears) at the end of Jaydens convo with Santa he points to his beard and says "How do you get this" Santa- I grow it just like your daddy does. He is so facinated with his white beard that he is just sitting there staring at it and then pull it...Good thing santa grew a real one this year ;) and if you were in the line behind us I am so sorry you had to wait...this kid can talk to anyone lol. Before we went and saw santa Jayden got to go and ride a camel with his cousin. He had so much fun!

Emotions..

I didn't know if I was going to blog about this because it is so personal and it has really been hard on me and I am still not sure if I want to publish this. Jamisen and I have been trying to expand our family for quite awhile now. We found out that I am currently not ovulating. The first thoughts that went through my mind when I found this out is... What does this mean? Does this mean I won't be able to become pregnant? Most of my life while growing up I never really thought that I wanted to have kids. That is until I met this amazing man and became a step parent to 2 of the most amazing little boys that there are. They filled my heart with so much more happiness than I could have ever thought possible. That is when my mind was made up that I wanted our family to grow.  I never knew that I would react to this the way that I have. It has been such an emotional rollercoaster. The doctor has started me on clomid to see if that will kick start my ovulation. This last month was my 4th cycle and so far I have not ovulated once. It is seriously the worst feeling when you are a woman and your body is not doing what it was made to do. It is really hard for me to explain these feelings to my husband because of course he doesn't have the same parts as I do. I could be having the best day in the world and  find myself bursting into tears. I go back to the doctor this month so we will see what he has planned next. The most frustrating thing about it all is that we cant even find anything wrong with me I have had every test possible and everything comes back normal. I am hoping and praying that we can figure this out and become pregnant in the near future. I would be ok if we knew that we couldn't have children together at all because we already have 2 of the cutest little men in our lives, but I would love to be given the opportunity to grow another human being and be so lucky to watch them grow every single day and be that full time working mom I so desire to be. It is just really hard being in limbo right now and not knowing either way. If you are reading this then I was brave and posted this and please keep us in your prayers.

Growing up fast!

This Thanksgiving I had to work until mid-afternoon and when I pulled up to our home I saw the sweetest thing. Daddy and sons playing outside and Dad was teaching Jayden to ride his bike without training wheels. He was doing so well but was really having a hard time with stopping and turning. A few days later I decided that I would take the training wheels off of a smaller bike so that when he stopped he could reach the ground and so that he wasn't as nervous as he was on his bigger bike. This was a complete success and while dad was at work we worked on stopping and turning and starting by himself without me having to push him. He is now a professional and I am so proud of him. He is gowing up so fast I can't believe it.
   On another note Jaxon is doing wonderful with the potty training. In 5 days he has only had one accident. He does still like to hide his wet undies though, this time I found them behind the toilet lol the little stinker. He has been doing so well that I started leaving him in his undies at naptime and bedtime and he has been waking up dry. We are so proud of this little man and let me tell you he is proud of himself. He is always running out of the bathroom telling everyone he peed in the big potty and showing off his new undies.
   I really can not believe how fast these boys are growing. I swear it was just yesterday that I came into their lives and Jayden was still in diapers and Jaxon was 5 months old still eating baby food. Can I just tell you just how proud I am of them and that I am the happiest lady ever that I get to be and take part in there lives.