Emotions..

I didn't know if I was going to blog about this because it is so personal and it has really been hard on me and I am still not sure if I want to publish this. Jamisen and I have been trying to expand our family for quite awhile now. We found out that I am currently not ovulating. The first thoughts that went through my mind when I found this out is... What does this mean? Does this mean I won't be able to become pregnant? Most of my life while growing up I never really thought that I wanted to have kids. That is until I met this amazing man and became a step parent to 2 of the most amazing little boys that there are. They filled my heart with so much more happiness than I could have ever thought possible. That is when my mind was made up that I wanted our family to grow.  I never knew that I would react to this the way that I have. It has been such an emotional rollercoaster. The doctor has started me on clomid to see if that will kick start my ovulation. This last month was my 4th cycle and so far I have not ovulated once. It is seriously the worst feeling when you are a woman and your body is not doing what it was made to do. It is really hard for me to explain these feelings to my husband because of course he doesn't have the same parts as I do. I could be having the best day in the world and  find myself bursting into tears. I go back to the doctor this month so we will see what he has planned next. The most frustrating thing about it all is that we cant even find anything wrong with me I have had every test possible and everything comes back normal. I am hoping and praying that we can figure this out and become pregnant in the near future. I would be ok if we knew that we couldn't have children together at all because we already have 2 of the cutest little men in our lives, but I would love to be given the opportunity to grow another human being and be so lucky to watch them grow every single day and be that full time working mom I so desire to be. It is just really hard being in limbo right now and not knowing either way. If you are reading this then I was brave and posted this and please keep us in your prayers.